Hey y'all!
Welcome to B-Raditude where we will be discussing a variety of topics. Today's topic will be about how I keep my marriage happy and healthy in every way possible!
*DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional. I am sharing what works for my husband and I. What works for us, may not work for others.*
To start, my husband and I have been together for a few years and recently got married this year. I know, I know. How could I write about a happy marriage when it's only been a couple of months? Well, like I said, we've been together for a few years now and we've never really left the "honeymoon" phase throught the entirety of our relationship. Over the past few years, we've had multiple people tell us, "It's puppy love." "You're in the honeymoon phase right now. It won't be so sweet soon." "You two are always too lovey dovey. It's going to kill your realtionship." "Wait until you're together as long as we have been. It won't seem so great then."
My husband and I laugh a little each time these words are said to us in conversation. We met one another during the hardest year of our lives. We both had recently gotten out of toxic relationships that drained us mentally and emotionally. At this point in time in my life, I had given up. I lost sight of who I was and lost interest in the things I used to truly enjoy. I picked up unhealthy coping mechanisms, acting careless and reckless. I was choosing activities that I knew put me in danger with no care if I lived to see the next day. We became best friends almost immediately and bonded over trauma that we had both endured over the years.
From there, we began to dig deep into our childhoods, learning every little detail about one another. He learned about many of my health problems because I didn't want anything to happen between us without him having that knowledge up front. I wanted to give him the chance to walk away before either of us got attached or hurt. You never know when something can be too much for someone else. We would spend so many nights just sitting in an empty parking lot from 7pm to 7am, just talking and listening to music. We had both decided that we wanted to just spend time with each other. We weren't concerned with a relationship at that point in time because we both needed time to heal. We both attended therapy and began to fix the struggles we were dealing with personally. After a few months, we decided it was time to make things official, placing a label on our relationship as a couple to our friends and family.
In the early months of our relationship, we were consitently out on little adventures and dates. Whether that was a walk at a local park or a fancy dinner at one of the nicer restuarants in town. Those dates slowly began to die down as life threw some speed bumps at us. He lost his job, I got sick and had to drop out of college, he had to sell his car and we used mine for all of the driving around. Our financial situation struggled and we ended up with some debt that was hard to pay off at the time. During all of this, my husband continued to job search every day, spending a minimum of 6 hours out driving and applying in person and another 4 hours online afterwards applying through Indeed.
We both got jobs around the same time and he was able to purchase a Charger for himself. We spent that summer with my father at his father's house fixing up the car and getting ready for the road. After about three months of hard work, it was finally ready and he was driving himself everywhere once again. I then sold my car and began looking for my dream truck (which I did end up purchasing.) Although we had our hardships, we never really fought. We had arguments, and disagreements, yes. But, we communicated with one another what our triggers were and how we handle stress on a daily basis.
Our first fight was pretty intense. I was 100% prepared to get into a screaming match because that's what I was accustomed to. Suprisngly, we never yelled at each other. We sat down together and talked things out in a calm manner. I expressed how I felt and why I felt that way, making sure to pause and let him express his thoughts and emotions as well. If either one of us started to get too angry, we would take a pause and separate for about half an hour. He would play a video game and I would crochet or write while listening to relaxing music. Once we both simmered down, we sat back down and finished discussing things calmly. We have found that this method works best for us. Especially since we have one major rule throughout the entirety of our relationship. We never let our partner or our selves go to bed angry or sad.
There's only been about three incidents total where one of us has yelled or raised our voice at the other. In those scenarios, one of us (normally the one being yelled at) will acknowledge the raise in tone and address it immediately with something as simple as, "Look, I understand that you're upset, but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't shout at me. If you need a break, we can take one." This immediately calms down the one shouting and an apology is issued. We then either take a thirty minute break or take a deep breath before speaking in a softer tone.
Lastly, we have never stopped dating each other. Time and time again (even in my own past reltationships), people stop dating each other. After a few or so, there's less dates, less flowers, less affection, less time spent together. It's as if they think, "We're already together. There's no need to try to win them over anymore." Technically, you don't need to win them over anymore, but you start to miss the little things from your relationship. I used to miss the hugs, or the good-morning texts, or even just a simple, "Hey, let's go on a date tonight." I didn't expect it everyday, but once in a while would've been nice.
My husband and I always make time for dates. We try to reserve our Sunday's for each other. No family, no friends, no distractions. Just the two of us, in the moment. We have created traditions over the years such as Friday night dinners, Sunday dates, and more. Continuing to treat everyday as if we just began dating has kept that "honeymoon" phase in our relationship for the past three years. So, yeah, maybe one day we'll lose the honeymoon phase, but I honestly doubt it. We've been going strong for three years (longest steady relationship for either of us), and we found what works for us and what doesn't.
I'm incredible lucky to have married a man as kind and compassionate as my husband. He'll always be my number one priority and partner in life. Never stop dating. Life is not promised, so enjoy every second of it.
Till next time!
- B-Raditude
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